Walking On Wednesday: Love Does

He sat on the edge of our bed during a fight we recently had and read this verse:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Cor. 13:4-6).

I stood about ten feet away, arms crossed, and so consumed in my anger and pride that I didn’t even want to hear it. I knew he was right. I hated that he was right. But I wasn’t ready to forgive. He didn’t need to read the rest of the verse before I had finished it silently in my head as if to say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it…and your point?” I had heard this verse a hundred times! I knew it well and I could recite it from memory. It’s the most popular wedding verse and I am a wedding photographer for goodness sake. But on this morning, he followed it up this way….

“I haven’t been patient. I haven’t been kind to you. I have been proud. I have dishonored you. I have kept records of your wrongs…and that is how I have not been loving you.”

My heart wrenched because I knew I had done the same. I knew even though those words were read at our wedding, I hadn’t taken them seriously. I picked that verse because it was so beautiful and so true, but did I trust it? Did I live it? Did I love in that way through my own actions in my marriage? How easy it is to forget these words when life takes over. How easy it is to forget these words when the chase is over. When the years pass and you forget the vows and the new romance of the “honeymoon” period. When life gets crazy and that drive to become successful by the world’s standards take precedence over being successful by The Lord’s standards. And isn’t that what the enemy wants? He wants us to remember those initial feelings we had for our spouse – that initial attraction and then constantly compare our present marriage with our newlywed marriage, right? He wants us to think that being “in love” means never feeling like you want to give up or never feeling too exhausted to work things out. He wants us to believe that if our relationship isn’t the same as it was in our “honeymoon” period then it isn’t worth fixing. That it means we have fallen out of love. Because love is a “heart” thing and not an “action” thing, right? Wrong. The Lord knows this is not true. The Bible describes in a very clear way the definition of love and how that looks within marriage. And why do you suppose this is? It’s because when you commit yourself to one person you are bound to go through bad times together. You are guaranteed to hit dry spells. You are almost certainly going to wake up one day and doubt your marriage. But here is the key. Do NOT let the enemy win. Do not believe the lie that we should be able to sit back in our marriage and continue to fall deeper in love. Because if you sit back and expect this, more than likely the opposite will happen. Love is action! The two key words in those verses Steve read to me are “Love does.” Love means doing something about it.

I once listened to the author of the book, “Love Does” speak at a Christian Women’s conference and he said something that was so profound to me. He said, “love is never stationary.” Can I get an AMEN!?! Love, gets up and does something about it. For me, that means that despite the fact that I was still angry and prideful, I went and sat down next to Steve and held hands with him anyway. I didn’t want to hold his hand, but I did it. I didn’t want to pray with him, but we did. And about half way through the prayer my jaws softened as I unclenched my teeth and things started to feel right again. It felt kind of good to hold his hand and listen to him pray for us. When the prayer ended and, although I hadn’t rid myself of all the negative feelings, I felt better. Now, I had to work on loving him again that day. How was I going to start over that same day and actively love him?

I wanted to share this with you all in hopes that it will encourage some couples out there. Marriage is being attacked in this country tenfold and I have a huge passion for the married couple. I hope my personal story can speak to you all out there. Steve and I have a lot of work to do in our marriage. That is to say that we want to do work because that is what love is. Love is action. Love is selfless action. It’s sitting with each other through gritted teeth and empty hearts to fill each other again. It’s trying. It’s working on things because LOVE IS action! And love does.

Warmly,

Stacy