Last year my friend was talking about her word to live by in the New Year and I had never heard of having one word. I instantly started thinking of my word, but having one word to live by for a whole year seemed like so much pressure. After a few minutes I threw out the word, “Faith!” thinking I was being all deep and purposeful. And then, the impact of the word hit me. I’ll be honest; this is one of THE hardest words for me. I know that sounds crazy because everyone who knows me knows I am full of faith in the Lord. But, faith doesn’t just mean believing in God. It’s about believing that God is in control. That He knows your deepest desires and still has the perfect plan for His kingdom. And, that He knows your situation, your past, your deepest heart struggles, and has a purpose for it all. More than that, He knew you were going to be where you are and He is with you. He hears your praises, concerns, cries, worries, and dreams. Last year around April, as most new years resolutions go, I had long forgot my word was “Faith”, until May crept up and Steve and I made the biggest decision we have had to make in our marriage. We decided that it was time for him to quit his job to pursue the ministry and to help with Stacy Hart Photography!!! Up until that point he was our sole income provider and so to make this transition we had to take a HUGE leap of faith. We had to have Faith that God would provide for the business so that Steve could go back to school and we could continue to live in our house. Do you know how hard it is to let go of control like that and put it in God’s hands? I caught myself thinking about the “what ifs” in the beginning way too much, but that isn’t faith right? Yes, it’s good to be prepared in the event that it doesn’t work, but I can’t be sick with worry on a daily basis if it was or wasn’t the right decision. That is not faith.
Worry is a sin struggle for me. I let it seep into my life like an infection. That is the reason why I say it is a “sin struggle”. It’s not just concern, but deep fear. Sometimes it takes over and sets the mood to my days. The Bible tells us not to worry. It’s a whole section in Christ’s sermon on Mount, but it ends like this….
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matt. 6:34)
So, in this particular time, I needed to have faith in the Lord. Otherwise this situation could ruin my strong marriage and relationships. I wish I could write in this post about how faithful and at peace I have been the whole time, but I can’t. There were definitely hard times – in our marriage, in my own struggles and worry with our new financial situation, and with my faith. I’ve had some really dark days. But, we pressed on through each of those roadblocks with lots of prayer and good communication between Steve and me. We wanted to make sure that we weren’t being lazy about our new situation and that we were working hard to build our relationships with God, our kids, and each other. It took a few months of ups and downs, a few minor breakdowns, and a ton of prayer, but in the end, our faith in our most loving Father prevailed. God is SO good! As we sit right now, Steve has completed one semester at The Reformed Theological School of DC and will be starting his 2nd semester in February; we have saved enough money for us to get through these slower months and then I start what is looking like one of the biggest wedding seasons for my business starting in May. On top of that, my faith in The Lord is stronger than ever. Last year will go down as the year of Faithfulness whether or not I knew it in January. And, I am looking forward to continuing this journey in 2015.
This year, when I was thinking of my word, I didn’t know how to pick another one because I still feel like our family needs to live in our faith daily. Don’t we always? I remember thinking of the fear that gripped me last year and the internal struggles I have had for many years before that. They were kind of at their peak last year when I had to have a business that sustained our family: You can’t do this, Stacy. You aren’t capable of making this happen. Who cares about your work when there are a million other photographers out there? If you want to be a good business owner, you won’t be a good mother or wife…. It’s this feeling of not belonging. Not being enough. These feelings are from my past and they creep up on me. I don’t know exactly where they come from- maybe my college years or my first marriage, but they are deep in my heart. And, they are huge lies. I know these thoughts are not from the Lord, but I still believe them on some days. So, this year, I’m all about digging deeper. I want to find the root of those lies and then lift them to the Lord. I want to be myself unapologetically, not hide who I am or try to be someone I am not. I want to put more of myself out there. Share more of my story. And in this process, I want to find more JOY in the Lord and his life for me. I want to be comfortable and joyful in how he made me and who I have become because of the paths I have walked. So this year, my word is JOY. Joy in all the beauty this crazy life has to offer.
So, cheers to the most joyful year for me. And hopefully for you! So, tell me, what is your word in 2015?
Picture taken by Tiffany Farley
XO!
Stacy
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