Rest

I had been craving a vacation. My body was aching for one and I didn’t care where it was or how much it cost.  I just knew there would be a beach, tanning lotion, and sun bathing involved.  This winter has flown by only because I am a mother to a toddler and time simply can’t slow down to allow me to capture all the little moments of joy that Addisyn has brought to my day -to-day.  Don’t get me wrong, I love every minute of being a mom, but a small getaway for even a day or two would be just right to revive my motherly soul so I can jump start into spring.

Talk about spiritual intervention. This past Thursday, my friend Angela asked if I was going to a Women’s Retreat that was being sponsored by our sister church. I thought about it (quickly) and responded by saying that I wouldn’t be attending because it was too last minute.  An overnight stay without Addisyn would require a lot of mental preparation that I just was not geared up for.  Despite my best effort to dodge the weekend retreat plans, Angela wouldn’t take “no” for an answer.  Steve was on board and assured me that absolutely no planning was involved.  It literally took me packing one duffel bag of clothes and toiletries and I would be ready to go. So I said, “Yes!”…but leaving my motherly responsibilities was going to be harder than I thought.

 It was mere moments after deciding to join Angela at the retreat when Addisyn started getting sick from a stomach virus that had been going around.  That night I was up changing sheets and pajamas in between holding her close to my chest and consoling her until the worst of it had passed. I didn’t want to leave her the next day, but I prayed that she would be okay and Steve reassured me that everything was going to be fine.  The next morning she woke up being her normal silly self and even had more of an appetite than I had expected. I was ready to go. I knew I needed the rest and I am always up for a soul fulfilling weekend.  It wasn’t going to be the warm beach, but it would be relaxation.

It turns out God had bigger plans. You see, I live a life that brings me great joy and everything in my life has been nothing but a blessing from Him. And I have ALWAYS believed that God knows the deepest desires of my heart more than I know my own.  This weekend was a great example of that. Within one conversation about my past to my friends Angela and Nicole, I began to cry. I realized that there are some parts of my past that I hadn’t forgiven myself for and, without knowing, it became a weight that rested at the bottom of the deepest valley of my heart. This weekend was all about me realizing that God uses even my failures for His glory and that there is no valley in my heart that God can’t be even deeper still, lifting me up.  I know that God has awesome things in store for me and He was doing His work so that I can be open to His plans in the future. I wasn’t even slightly expecting a weekend this revealing, but I am going into this week (my birthday week and the big 3-0) feeling uplifted. 

*Deeper Still is a song that I was introduced to by an amazing artist that was at the retreat. The song really hit home for me. Her name is Caitlin Jane and you can check her blog out here.