As the last fifteen minutes of my shift at work ticked off the clock, I found myself re-reading the series of emails that had brought us to this point. It was almost unbelievable to think that Stacy and I had been dating for a little over two weeks and the emails served as proof that I hadn’t made the whole thing up. It was difficult to process how we possibly ended up together after all the odds seemed to be stacked against it, but what was even more perplexing was the way I’d been feeling. I kept having the same conversation with myself…
I mean, I know there’s a “honeymoon” phase to any new relationship, but what do you call it when you find yourself with someone who you’ve dreamt of being with for years? What do you call it when someone who was so completely out of your league sends you an email from a couple continents away to tell you she broke up with her boyfriend? Oh, and now, she wants to be with you? Cloud nine? What’s the proper way to describe how every conversation fills the soul like a breath of fresh life to a heart thought to have been damaged beyond repair? It couldn’t be what it felt like. Could it?
I knew what to call it. I knew what it was, but saying it aloud was an entirely different story. The relationship between Stacy and I was going so well and felt so natural, but the logical, good sensed part of me knew better than to say the “it” I was feeling to her this early in our relationship. First, besides the heart yearning and soul calling need I felt to tell her, it didn’t make any sense to tell her now. Up to this point our entire relationship had been built on fifteen minute phone calls and pages of email conversations. We hadn’t kissed, we hadn’t held hands, heck, the only time we even hung out was in the cargo compartment of a C-5 aircraft. There were still the two major issues of her smoking and me not being a Christian that we had to try to overcome. Finally, and most importantly, I didn’t know if she felt the same way. One sure way to bring a good thing going to a screeching halt is to throw “it” out there with no reciprocation. Then where would we be? Nope, the best idea was clearly for me to keep “it” to myself no matter how great it would feel to swing open my bedroom windows, climb to the tree tops, and yell at the top of my lungs for all the world to hear “I ‘it’ Stacy Morey!”
With all this on my mind, I got into my car ready to head home when my cell phone rang showing the always questionable base phone number.
“Hello?” I said, hoping to hear Stacy’s voice on the line.
“Hey babe, it’s me!” Said Stacy, cheerfully.
“I was just thinking about you.”
“Really? What about?” She asked in a cute and curious tone.
I paused for a moment. Well it would be a pretty bad idea to lie to Stacy this early in our relationship. I thought to myself. Then again, it might be a worse idea to tell her the truth. Undecided and nervous I let the words fall out of my mouth.
“Actually, since you asked, I was thinking that I…”
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