Around the time I had the phone conversation with Stacy, I also started a new job as a technical training instructor. This meant, after serving nearly three years in the military on grave shift; I was finally an a day shift, Monday through Friday, with weekends and holidays off. It was a huge upgrade. I had my own classroom, my own computer, a consistent schedule, and most importantly regular email access.
After our conversation, Stacy and I continued to chat via email once or twice a day. We’d write about stuff that was going on in each other’s lives and laugh at how crazy we were for staying in relationships that we knew were not going to work out. We supported each other too. For example, a few weeks after the initial phone call, on March 4th, (Stacy’s birthday) I sent her a happy birthday email. Then, three days later, she returned the favor on my birthday. She would tell me how much she was enjoying having time to herself and rediscovering who she really was and I would tell her how much I enjoyed my new job and working in a more professional atmosphere. We’d sometimes talk about her “Welcome Home” barbecue, and how cool it was going to be to get to hang out together away from work. Or we’d make up silly stories about how hard it would be to ride a one humped camel, why The Lion King was the best animated film on the planet, and what it was going to be like to see each other in an outfit other than our Air Force uniforms. We wrote back and forth about music, movies, favorite foods or anything else we could think of. And, in just a few weeks of reconnecting, our conversations felt completely natural and were at the point of feeling how they used to feel when Stacy and I would work together on the same shift. It was good to have her back.
Our friendship was back and rolling along fine, until one day when everything changed. I came into work with my usual expectations of hearing about Stacy’s deployment escapades when I found the following email in my inbox:
“Hey you!
This day has been super crazy and so I probably won’t have time to write my long winded emails to you like normal :-) I have been dealing with some backlash from Chris. Apparently he is still watching my house and has had dogs and other women in and out. Not to mention he painted one wall of my bedroom poop brown! Fun times!
Aside from that, life over here has been pretty darn good…great actually! I am especially glad to have reconnected with you even if it is over email. I am sad that when I get back, we won’t be working together, but at least we can hang out off duty now.
Speaking of us hanging out…I am hesitant to mention anything, but I have always been the type to wear my heart on my sleeve (even to a fault at times). I just wanted to let you know that I have felt an amazing connection since the day I called you. I don’t know how to explain it, but basically I would like to see if you would be interested in more than just a bbq date when I get back to the states.
Dang! I just threw myself out there didn’t I? Lol! Well, I will probably be nervous as all heck waiting to hear back from you, but I had a feeling I couldn’t ignore.
I hope you have a fantastic day, but for now I am going to bed (It is 11:00pm over here).
No regrets,
Stacy”
“More than just a bbq date?” When I read this statement it immediately sent a fast moving rush throughout my body and brought two thoughts concurrently crashing into my mind.
Thought 1: What else could this phrase mean? I knew enough about communication to know that a majority of the information exchanged between two people is perceived through body language and tone of voice. Neither of which can be derived from an email. So, I contemplated what else this may have meant and came up with the following possibilities:
A) To be more than just a bbq date meant that we would be eating more than just barbecue…I’d bring Chinese food.
B) To be more than just a bbq date meant to be more than friends which meant to be BEST friends. Consequently sinking me deeper into the “Friend Zone”.
C) To be more than just a bbq date means to be more than friends which means to co-sign on a loan. More than friends; business partners.
D) To be more than just a bbq date meant she might actually like me in the same way that I liked her and she wanted to go on a date between just her and I.
Given the available options, by my estimation, the last one was the most likely. I was starting to feel a tingling on my skin and an excited fluttering in my stomach.
Thought 2: The odds. The odds were completely against the possibility that Stacy might actually like me. She had made hundreds of guy friends on the flightline who I’m sure would have done anything to have a chance to be with her. Bring in the fact that she was the most beautiful woman on the base and on her deployment and, if I was in Vegas, I’d bet against me. The probability was nearly non-existent that she would actually have a feeling for the little guy who was afraid to go out to an airplane on his first day on the job.
I reread the email a number of times. Until, finally, a third thought came to mind.
Thought 3: The odds part 2. Forget the odds. The fact was that Stacy was going to eventually end up with someone. No matter who that someone was, that person would have overcome the odds. And, if it could have been anybody, why not me?
The truth was that our relationship wasn’t about numbers; it was about a connection. Nothing felt as soothing and sincere as my conversations with Stacy. She could make me smile and I could make her laugh. She was everything I wanted in a girlfriend and surpassed every expectation I’d ever had. She was open, caring, and supportive and when I was with her…so was I. I was a better person with her in my life and I had to think that just maybe she was better when I was in hers.
That morning I decided to go all in. I sat down in front of my computer, filter out the window, fingers on the keyboard, and wrote Stacy the following email:
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