Go On Baby Girl, Shine Bright

Sweet Addisyn Faith,

I can’t believe I am even writing this letter to you. It seems like merely passing moments when I was holding you on my chest and thanking God for your life. And now, I am sitting in bed thinking about the young girl sound asleep down the hall who is giddy about her first day of school. There’s a hundred things I’m going to miss about not having you here with me all day.  You love to talk, tell stories, and always keep us entertained with a new dance move or a song to sing. You’re great with crayons, Play-Doh, or any other thing we can place in front of you to put your super creative mind to work. You have a kind, silly, and sweet spirit that never fails to make me smile. You also are a confident little five year old so it’s no surprise that you’re ready to start kindergarten. Me, on the other hand, I have to admit that it’s hard for me to let you go.

It’s the night before your first day of school and for the most part I think I have gotten all the hot mess tears out of my system. You will likely not remember this, but I’m writing this letter to you so that when you are older you can read about how much we believed in and prayed over you, even at the young age of five. Today we were on the way to church and you and your Bubby were eating a powdered doughnut in the back seat. Your daddy and I started talking about this upcoming week and we quickly realized how different it would look. As daddy started to discuss what our day would be like with you at school and with just Kellan home, I began to cry. I had done a pretty good job holding all my emotions together up until this point, but this is when it hit me: tomorrow will be a whole new phase of life for our family. Tomorrow will not just be about you starting school and being gone for seven hours from our day, it’s the start of you having your very own worldly experience and being influenced by so many more people than just your family. Tomorrow is the very first step of you becoming your own individual little young lady and while that makes me so proud of you, I am also full of anxiety. If I am going to be honest, a lot of these tears are coming because I realize that I will no longer have that security of you being right there where I can watch you, and keep you emotionally and physically safe. I also will feel that I have lost some control over your daily interactions and potential hurts. I know you are about to go into a whole different world. A world that can be scary for a little girl with such a sweet and sensitive heart. A world with so much uncertainty for a girl that needs to know her plans for the day ahead. And, a world full of the wrong kind of influence.

So this letter is to tell you that up to this point I struggled with this idea that I was letting go of your spiritual, physical, and emotional safety and sending you into a great unknown. But that isn’t entirely true. You see, tomorrow you will get all dressed up for your first day of school. You will eat your special cinnamon roll breakfast. You will proudly sport your Frozen book bag as you skip to your classroom. You will be nervous. You will make new friends. You will have intimidating moments where the world will seem so big. You will miss us at times, but be happy to experience this on your own. But, there will be one thing that will be the same tomorrow as it was yesterday and the day before that. You, my sweet Addisyn Faith are deeply loved. Not just by us, but by the Lord. Your dad and I were never in control in the way we want to be or thought we were. You, my baby girl, belong to a family who believes in God’s sovereignty and unconditional love for us. You belong to a family that believes that God is pouring out His grace on our lives daily. That doesn’t mean that you won’t have bad days or that your feelings won’t get hurt, but it does mean that no matter what the world throws at you, our love for you is unwavering. It’s our prayer for you, on this night before school that you first hand experience that love and grace, and in doing so become a light in this crazy world. A light that shines bright for the glory of God. A light that shows love and kindness in great abundance. A light we’d be foolish to keep all to ourselves. So go on baby girl, smile big and shine bright because even a little bit of you makes us all a lot better.

With all my love,

Momma