“Pitting your dream against someone else’s is a fantastic way to get discouraged and depressed.” – Jon Acuff
The other night Steve and I had an in-house date night. We played Rummikub, ate sushi, had a glass of wine and listened to 90’s pop music. That sounds pretty nerdy, but that’s kind of our jam. We talked, teased each other, chatted about our year, and reminisced about the Christmas week five years ago when we played Rummikub every night as we were waiting for Addisyn’s arrival. It was hard to believe that five years had passed. So naturally, that led into another conversation about all the things that have changed in our lives since then. We talked about where we are in our lives compared to where we thought we would be. Steve has always been good about asking me thought-provoking questions to keep the conversation going which is great for me because sometimes I get lost in my thoughts. His questions always make for great conversations – one of the many reasons why he is perfect for me. Quality time and conversation – it’s my love language. On this night he asked me if this is where I thought I would be in life when I graduated high school. I had to sit and think. I answered, “yes” pretty quickly, but after more thought my answer would be: “yes and no.” Yes, because I always imagined a family like the one I have – full of love, great communication, and big dreams. And no, because I couldn’t imagine being in this season where Steve is attending school full time, I am running a small business, and where we are having a really tough time balancing what is important (family over business, God over finances and worry, etc.). When Steve asked me that question, I told him the one thing I remember most, is that my dreams when I was young were of my future family.
I wondered who my husband would be and how many kids we would have. I daydreamed about our house and whether we would have neighbors or live on a beach – in Virginia or in another state. I dreamt and wondered how I would be as a wife – passionate, romantic, funny, supportive, playful? And how I would be as a mother – loving, nurturing and patient? It’s funny now that I think about it because, as a kid, I don’t think I ever dreamed about my career or financial success. My dreams looked similar and also much different than my reality now. I pictured a house much like we live in and a family love much like we have, but never imagined the struggle of distraction that I have today with Facebook, iPhones, and social media galore. I never imagined the reality of comparison that Facebook brings. How somehow my dreams get lost every once and a while and replaced with jealousy over other dreams that I see on someone else’s page. Nope, my dreams were Facebook free. They were unique to me and not discouraged by other highlights of lives on newsfeeds.
In the past few weeks, Steve and I have been able to slow down a bit. His school is finished up (with exception of a tying up some loose ends) and my busy season has come to an end. I’ve spent the last two weeks not being consumed with the worries that come with owning a small business. Not being consumed with the “things to do” list that comes with this holiday season. I have been reminded in small passing moments throughout the day that, more than anything, nurturing my relationships will make my dreams come true. That, at the end of the day, my dream that I had then was never to have another’s life. It has always been to have the life that I have, but being much more present in it. In my dreams, I am the wife who supports, encourages, and is playful and lighthearted. I am the mom who teaches, encourages, is patient, kind, and loves fully.
After I post this, I am going on “vacation” for four days. Which means I am going to be far removed from work and social media and be with my family. I am going to live out my dream in the way I always imagined it – full of family, love, warmth, presence, and MINE. Just mine.
Merry Christmas to you all! May this holiday season be filled with unimaginable Joy and love.
XO!
Stacy
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