When Stacy and I first got together I was really into writing short stories. My friend Gerald and I would meet once a week to discuss our new ideas, and challenging each other with writing exercises. I had all kinds of creative ideas. At one point I wanted to write a story about a teenage sleuth named Blake who had to solve da Vinci Code like puzzles to find his missing teacher. Another idea of mine was a story about a boy who stumbles upon a portal to the fantasy world of Zasterban with nothing but a book, a backpack, and his dog named Snickerfritz. All of these ideas were fun, but I was never able to compose my thoughts into a finished work. It wasn’t until I sought the advice from an old high school friend named Ben (who also happened to be a published author) that I was able to complete and write my only published story. The advice Ben gave me was this: “write what you know.” This simple statement has always stuck with me in writing, and it is with this advice in mind that I am writing this blog today.
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I know I am broken. I’ve had a few people tell me that I seem like someone who “has it all together,” but the truth is, I don’t. I make mistakes every day. I judge people in ways that I know I shouldn’t. I get angry with my children and my wife over trivial things. I make up excuses to justify my own laziness or dishonesty. I’ve never had a perfect day.
I know I’m not alone. I know that everyone is broken. I could tell you it’s because the Bible says we are and I believe all that stuff. Which it does. And, I do. But, I also know I’ve never met a perfect person. And, neither have you. So, the bad news is, we’re all broken. We are broken in our person, we are broken in our friendships, and we are broken in our marriages.
I know Jesus really existed both fully God and fully man. No matter your philosophical, theological, or spiritual belief, it is a fact that a man named Jesus lived from around 4 B.C. to around 30 A.D. At some point in any world view we have to ask ourselves of the billions of people who have existed on the earth, why has this one man had the most profound impact on the history of the world and the history of human existence? I know Jesus agreed to be sent by God and was of God to be the savior the world had been yearning for. I know this is a great miracle and a great mystery that not everyone believes.
I know I have to tell you about Jesus because without Him there is only bad news.
I know the depths of my brokenness are overwhelmed by the goodness of my savior. I know there are cracks in my heart that will empty me of who I am. I know I am prone to try to fill those cracks with my earthly desires, but even if I could stop the leaking, what would fill me up? I know it is only Jesus Christ who can fix my heart with his healing hands and fill it with his abundant love. I know this is only possible through Jesus because He is who He says He is: healer, redeemer, and savior of the broken people who place their faith in Him. I know He is the only one who can fix a broken person, a broken friendship, and a broken marriage. For some of you this is hard to understand, but for others you live every day in this truth. Why a world consisting entirely of broken people would have groups that see Jesus so differently is another question we all have to deal with, but a topic for another time.
I know I need Jesus in my marriage. Stacy and I would not be together without Him. When two broken people come together they have a tendency to try to fix each other. It seems so easy to address the flaws in someone else and ignore the flaws of our own. But, when two broken people try to fix each other they usually make the problem worse because neither of them have the tools necessary to fix themselves. And, when they have nowhere to turn but to other broken people, the solution is often missed.
Again, this may seem like bad news. Yet again, it is no match for the love of Jesus.
I know Jesus is perfect and so is His word. So when Stacy and I get into arguments and we’re hell bent on “fixing” each other, instead of going to an extreme to show her why I’m right and she’s wrong, I go to this verse and ask myself if I’m loving Stacy the way the Bible tells me I should be. I challenge myself with every word:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 4-7
The answer is always “no.” I’m not loving Stacy the way that I should be and that I am constantly working on. I go back to this verse often as a reminder of what love truly is. Love is not whatever you want it to be. Love is not whatever makes you happy. Love is not whatever makes you feel good. True love isn’t selfish. It’s selfless. I know this concept is counter-cultural, and it is a standard that I daily fall away from. But, like I said, I know I am broken. I am completely incapable of perfectly loving my wife. I am also undeservingly blessed to have a God who who gave us His Word and His Son to make a way for two broken people to become one couple and persevere until the day He returns to make all things new.
God Bless,
Steve
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